Permit
by schye
Summary: I told my best friend I'm in love and he nearly died laughing. Great.
1. clear

**CHAPTER 1: Clear **

He was staring at me like I was some sort of crazy maniac out on the loose to inflict my insanity to all mankind—granted that I felt that way—it was rattling, nonetheless.

I took a deep breath, meant to steady the rampaging beats of my heart, but would, I knew, burst my lungs any moment soon.

I, Horokeu Usui of the Ainu Tribe, must face this dilemma head on.

Yoh Asakura continued to stare at me.

Oh, god. I can't do it, my mind screamed. Go out and camp the night out again, commune with nature; just go! the very much ignored coward in me urged.

I nearly succumbed (mostly due to goodwill because it always had been _ignored_, with me being fearless and all, and…).

Yoh raised a brow at me.

"Alright," I said finally. I had to stop babbling to myself, and start babbling _to _Yoh.

Yoh's raised brow rose a quarter of an inch more, curiosity evident in those dark, round eyes of his. "Yeah?"

"Considering that you probably are the closest to being my best buddy ever since I came to Tokyo—" I balked.

I can't. I just can't. Gods, I hate my life.

"Horohoro? What exactly are you trying to tell me?" Yoh asked deliberately, as if talking to an imbecile.

"Er…"

"Well?"

"Imaebinluvwidsumwan."

_What?_

"What?" Yoh echoed my thoughts.

Incoherence, I therefore conclude, wasn't the best approach to deal with this matter.

Another deep breath, then.

"I—I'm in love."

Yoh didn't react the way I expected him to.

He blinked, and that was that.

Gee, no fireworks? How 'bout a few congratulations here? I thought to myself dryly.

"Yeah?" he asked, as if gauging my honesty and/or my sincerity—as if I wasn't sincere enough! The outrage! "Good for you."

I wanted to say 'thanks' but matters just don't end with me telling the third person that I was in love with someone.

Now for Phase Two.

"I don't know how to deal with it anymore."

Yoh looked thoughtful for a moment. "So deal with it."

It was a good thing snowboard bashing your friend wasn't a sport because if it were, I'd be champion—wait, maybe that wasn't such a good thing. Who didn't want to be champion?

"I would," I told him exasperatedly, "if I knew how."

"So how am I supposed to help you?"

Damn but Yoh was cluelessly dumb.

I sent Yoh a pointed look. Even he must know just how much frustrated I was already.

"I'll get to that if you stop butting in." I snapped.

"I'll stop butting in if you just went to the point, already," he retorted, sounding like he was the most reasonable person in the universe.

Maybe one more heave won't hurt my lungs, and so I indulged myself.

"I—"

"You—"

"—like Ren."

"So do I."

That didn't sound like Yoh was just repeating after me. I stared at Yoh, boggle-eyed.

"But you don't see me fretting about it. I mean, sure he's a bit of a brat at times, and he's a hell lot of arrogant, but he's an okay friend."

Great. He misunderstood. I _have _to go through it all over again.

"No," I started. "I _like _Ren."

"So?"

Do I have to enunciate every word?

"You're not listening, Yoh," I told him impatiently.

Yoh stopped and I knew story time wasn't over yet.

Damn it.

Next time, keep you trap shut well, will you?

I told my best friend I was in love.

--and he almost died laughing.

Alright, I thought, as I continued to stare at my hysterical friend, I may have to concede that what I told him was a bit preposterous… but did he have to laugh so hard? He was bent over with so much mirth, for crying out loud!

"Oh, god," he gasped. "That's rich."

I sent Yoh a quelling look—one I perfected practicing for this very day. Much help that did me, though. Yoh was still catching his breath, laughing so hard.

"I hope you get indigestion," I muttered darkly.

After a couple of minutes, Yoh finally stopped, but his previous bout of hilarity left too much evidence in his eyes, even though he tried wiping it.

"And how were you able to come about such a wonderful realization?" he managed to say with his face _not _cracking up.

"I was running through what's happened in the past, and then—"

I didn't have to finish—or rather, I didn't bother finish. Yoh was once more experiencing another euphoric stream of laughter that I was ready to commit murder in cold blood.

"Yoh!"

"Okay, so what's the problem?" he asked, still wiping his eyes dry of tears.

Have I been talking to myself? "I told you. I can't deal with it anymore."

Yoh frowned.

"Why not? He won't bite…" His voice trailed off.

I looked at him. Yoh knew that Tao Ren would, could and will bite me if he found out (and no, that's not kinky). Ren in an ambivalent mood will bite me. Ren in a not-so- ambivalent mood will do something that I hope I never find out what.

"I bet there's something else that we could do," he told me unhelpfully.

"Like what? Kill myself before he finds out?"

"Let's not be too hasty."

"Yoh, I'd remind you that we are both boys if it wasn't so obvious."

"So?"

Now, I'm seeing the pattern. I tell Yoh that I was in love with Ren, and the title of my life would be "And, so?"; if I tell Manta, it'd probably be "The Brilliant Boggling Boggle-Eyed Boy" (despite the fact that I do face a dilemma, I can't help but give me a pat on the shoulders for that brilliant alliteration); and if I go to Chocolove, it'd probably be "Love Jokes". (God, but that's just plain abominable.)

Yes, Yoh was indeed the best viable option for help. Damn.

How low had I stooped to have complete duds for friends?

But, as it was, Yoh Asakura was the only person who would not think I was out of my mind after my confession.

"Why don't you just tell Ren, and see how he'd react?" Yoh suggested.

Maybe Yoh _was _out of _his _mind.

I told him so.

"Why?" he had the gall to ask.

"As if he'd take that well. Internalize here, Yoh. Think like you're Ren Tao. Think!" I snapped, when Yoh looked at me blankly.

"Alright, alright. I'm thinking."

"Are you Ren Tao now?" I asked.

Yoh rolled his eyes at me. "Yes. I'm Ren Tao now, you idiot."

"Ren, I like you."

Yoh's eyes grew round. "I see your point."

Damn, but I was good. I preened at him.

"What if you dropped hints?" he suggested one more time.

"Well let's see. Er, Ren, what would you do when you find out that a boy is in love with you?"

Yoh looked dumbfounded.

"Or maybe, this'd work: 'Ren, let's say, for instance, I was in love with you. What would you do?' ."

"So maybe you do have a point. Why are you telling me this anyway?"

"Because I have to tell someone or I'll confess to Ren."

"Thing is," Yoh told me. "I'd rather that you confessed to Ren, and have this thing over and done with."

"Thing is," I retorted. "I want to live."

Silence.

I wish Yoh'd say something.

"Why don't you comfort me?" I tried. "You know, tell me that what I'm feeling will pass. That I just happen to think that I like Ren because he's good looking or something? That I'm superficial."

"Horohoro," Yoh said, patting me on my shoulders. "You poor delusional boy."

I inclined my head at him. Was this his introduction to the lecture I asked?

"Of course you're not superficial. You are beyond superficiality. If you believe you're in love with Ren, then I trust your judgment."

Was he serious?

Don't. Consider. The board.

"Yoh!" I wailed. "I'm. In. Love. With. Ren. Tao!"

"Eh?"

That was an entirely different voice from Yoh's. I dreaded to turn around.

"You are?"

God. The one time that Chocolove had to enter the house without making a noise, and I had to be confessing my deepest, darkest secret.

"Good for you." Snort.

Damn, but the gods do hate me so much.

I kept my neck stiff: I was not turning around, no matter what.

"Does Ren know?" Snort. Snort.

Wasn't he decent enough to _not snort_?

Then, I felt someone pounding on the floor. Then laughter. And more pounding.

"Chocolove, notice that Horohoro isn't sharing your amusement."

Ah, my bestest, best f—Damn it! Yoh was laughing again!

I sat down cross-legged on the floor, and huffed. "Thank you for finding my love life entertaining," I said, eyes closed.

"No sweat," said Yoh. "It really isn't all that difficult to."

I gritted my teeth and waited for a few moments. "Done yet?"

I didn't exactly expect for them to reply, not with them being so darn frivolously happy for me. But I deserved even a muffled 'no', damn it.

I need to widen my vocabulary and come up with better curse words.

"Now?"

I saw Yoh, from my peripheral vision, trying to compose himself. "Alright," he said with much effort. "Let's give this some thought."

"How much thought are we supposed to give this?" I asked him exasperatedly, turning a threatening look towards Chocolove, who looked about to burst into laughter once more. "I think we should just forget this whole mess, pretend that I didn't humiliate myself today."

"Just whose decision would that be?" Yoh protested. "What about not backing down when in a fight?"

"That's too cliché already that no one follows it anymore," I told him wryly.

"Well, I think you shouldn't give up on your fee—feel—" Yoh puffed his cheeks, and stooped to clutch his stomach in his nth attempt to stop his laughter.

"Feelings, Yoh, feelings," I said imperturbably.

"Feelings, right. Feelings." He coughed. "As I was saying, I think you shouldn't give up on those."

"What I think," I told them, standing up and dusting my shorts, "is that you two shouldn't be allowed to think _about_ anything pertaining to my life."

"Why not?" Chocolove asked, offended by his tone. (The nerve of him!)

"Because."

"Well that's very acceptable," said Yoh. "Isn't it, Chocolove?"

"Sure is." Sagacious nod.

Gods, I wanted to bash them.

"Alright. If you, two, can give me one possible scenario, wherein I tell Ren Tao my undying love for him, then I'd do it," I told them, losing all semblance of patience.

Before I knew it, Yoh and Chocolove were huddled together in one corner. The words all I managed to hear were: Bason, Golden Chukanzenmai, China, Japan, Ainu, and dead.

Being the genius I was, I surmised, therefore, that they were planning my wake.

**-o-o-**

"I am not doing that!" I told the two of them vehemently. In fact, there is no strong enough force on this planet to make me do something like that.

"Why not?"

Why not? All they were asking me to do was to _tell _Ren to his face that I liked him. Were they nuts?

"Just because."

"I've heard that reason before," Chocolove said, "I just don't know when, or who said it, or why he said it—my god, I have amnesia!" And he fell down on the floor, one hand covering his face in mock distress.

Chocolove should stay with his rather thick attempts at humor. Theatrics and Chocolove will never learn to love each other. Ever.

"Har-har," I said dryly. "Asking me to do something like that is like asking Yoh to tell Ana that she is the most beautiful creature on earth with him on his knees."

"Ana'd kill him on the spot."

Yoh frowned at me. "It's not the same thing."

"The only difference between that scenario and what you want me to do is that Ana happens to be of the opposite sex and Ren isn't."

"And I'm quite thankful for that," said Ren from behind the door before it slid open.

Ren.

_Ren._

Ren Tao?

Ren Tao was in Japan. Not China.

Japan.

Particularly, in Yoh Asakura's house. Which was where I was at the moment.

What the hell was he doing here?

Ren Tao was right here in the same room with me where I was discussing how blood-bathed it would be if I told him of my current affectation with him.

Someone out there hated me, and was praying for my demise.

Maybe my cousin Murphy, or his friend O'Toole.

"Why would you be talking about my difference and Ana's?"

"Because—"

My snowboard flew, and missed Chocolove's nose by centimeters.

"Ooops," I said unrepentantly. "Sorry. Board slipped. Let me go retrieve it." As I walked passed Chocolove I muttered, "Try anything funny and I'll make sure your death bed'd be cold as ice."

Chocolove sobered.

"What's with you?" said Ren, who looked ready to probe Chocolove's nose with his Chuukazenmai, if he had been bringing it.

"Nothing," Chocolove replied seriously.

"What, no joke?" Ren asked.

"I refuse to be funny anymore."

Ren turned to Yoh. "What did you do to him?"

Yoh shrugged. "Must be the weather."

"Chocolove's serious when the weather's nice?" This, apparently, truly baffled Ren.

Yoh shrugged again.

"So," I said brightly—too brightly, in fact-- as I returned. "What brings you here? Errands for your sister?"

"You think my sister keeps me around in China to have someone go to Japan according to her whims?" Ren asked, not losing a beat.

Um.

Yoh must've noticed my predicament so he said, "So, Ren, since it's been a long time since you last visited us, what do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

"Let Horohoro take you somewhere!" Chocolove shouted/suggested. "Like a fine dining restaurant."

I sent Chocolove a death glare.

"Or I could take you, or Yoh could," he added, feeling my eyes on him.

"What, like a date?"

I blanched. Ren Tao could not be suggesting—

"That's just too disgusting."

So much for gay love.

"Well, what do you suggest you do?"

"I'd like to try the Japanese version of amusement parks."

"Amusement parks?" we all repeated.

"Why?"

"Well, I haven't been in one here in Japan. My sister said that I'm missing at least a quarter of my life."

"She was just goading you," I said. I smirked (I hope it wasn't crooked). "I see you let yourself be your older sister's fool."

Ren frowned. "Who asked you?"

I let my smirk widen. "Is that all you can come up with? What ever has happened to Ren Tao's sharp tongue? Looks like someone's tamed you."

"That's sharp _wit _for you, Horohoro," he growled at me. "And no one's tamed me! It's jet lag, alright?" he snapped. "It isn't easy traveling from China to Japan, you dunderhead."

"So, you're suggesting a _date _to the amusement park," said Chocolove sagaciously, head nodding accordingly.

Ren glared at him.

"A group _date, _I mean," he amended.

Ren didn't bother easing his glare on the darker boy.

"Er—we'll just be accompanying you, then."

"Good."

"So where will you be staying?" Yoh asked Ren.

"My sister's booked me a hotel room."

"Ha!" I cried, not letting Yoh and Chocolove monopolize Ren's attention. "So your sister does have a hand in your going to Japan."

That received me a scowl from Ren.

"And your point is?" he asked me coldly.

Now that question definitely stumped me, it did.

**A/N: This story will definitely be in three parts since I can't seem get the characters to stay in their proper—er, characters. Next chapter will be about the amusement park. :3 Reviews are definitely welcome. **


	2. charge

**Chapter 2: Charge**

**_schye_**

"_Who would've thought that you were chicken?" _Ren Tao's voice kept ringing in my mind sordidly; mocking me with all the vehemence a voice was able to muster.

I _was _not chicken. I just valued my life more than I valued anything else. Encounters with Hao Asakura make a person realize the pains of death, and the joys of life.

There are rides, and there are rides, after all.

Right now, though, let me rest my battered—and roughly bruised—ego while I sit on this bench.

I sighed. I hated the fact that my rep with Ren has dropped a notch lower. Wasn't it enough that he already thinks I'm an ass extraordinaire? Add coward to the mix, and what do you get?

Diced liver—the best love interest he'll ever have. (At least, it's slightly better than being plain minced meat.)

Great.

I closed my eyes tightly in frustration and fought the urge to groan out loud.

"Oi, Horohoro."

These days, I'm starting to just _not_ like having _him_ around.

"What?" I mumbled, eyes still closed.

I felt Ren sit beside me. "What're you doing?" he asked, as if I had no right to act like an invalid within the park premises.

"Meditating." That retort was supposedly sarcastic, and yet it turned out pathetic.

Maybe I should volunteer myself in one of the booths—"Dunk the Dunce, You All", or something to that effect.

"I see."

Tao Ren seemed to be quite subdued today. If I've learned anything about him, it's that he is never anything but.

I glanced at him. "What happened to you?"

He shot me a sharp glare. "What do you mean?"

"You're… nice…" For the lack of a better word.

"Nice?" he growled.

"Hey, if you think I should say you're Conan the Barbarian just for you to get off my case, maybe I will!" I snapped. "Conan the barbarian, sir," I added, resisting the urge to gloat. I finally managed to put one over him.

Ren looked like he was ready to murder me.

Uh-oh.

_Run for cover._

I was ready to, see, run for cover, that is, but a pair of hands clamped over Ren's eyes.

I glanced up in surprise who'd dare commit an infamy such as that to Ren.

Jun Tao grinned at me, she motioned me to be quiet, while Pai Long shook his head at his mistress' antics.

Ren, at that moment, wasn't very amused, though. He tried prying off the hands covering his eyes, but Jun must've played this game with Ren far too long to know how Ren'd react that she knew what to do.

Finally Ren growled, and stop trying to free his eyes. "I know it's you. Let go."

Jun released a very refined laugh as she let go of the hold she had over her brother's face. "It's very nice to see you, too, Ren."

"What are you doing here?" Ren growled.

"Visiting, of course."

"Because China and Japan are next door neighbors?" Ren asked dryly.

"Hmmm…"

"Don't 'hmm' me!" Ren snapped.

Jun grinned at her brother. "Now, now Ren, put a little restrain over your temper, will you?"

Jun Tao has never failed to amaze me. If I had to have that tone on me from Ren, I'd do everything he tells me to. Honestly.

Ren scowled even more. (Ren also never fails to amaze me: when you think his scowl could no longer get more scowl-ier, it does. He's brilliant, but then I could just be biased.)

"Ren."

One word with a whole lot of hints was all it took for Ren to calm down. "Alright," he said. "Just… don't."

"I won't." Triumphant smile.

Maybe it was a siblings-thing. Or maybe I was just _really _dumb. But I didn't have the foggiest clue what they were talking about.

I'm betting on the former due to my undeniable self-respect.

"Do you still need me here?" I asked, feeling the need to reassert myself. "Because I could go…"

"No!" Jun Tao said.

I glanced at her in surprise. She just might be really very nice not to want me to go but that was a very—surprising reaction.

"I mean, don't go." Blindingly, brilliant smile. "Ren and _I _would love you to stay."

I stared at her.

She may just be nice.

But then there is _too _nice.

Well, hell.

I paled.

_She _probably has a crush on me.

Well, double damn.

Who would've thought being gorgeous could be such a curse?

* * *

This was the dilemma of a lifetime. 

I walked around after talking to Jun and Ren, dazed but conscious, until I finally found a place where I could sit down and think.

It was a bit noisy, but quite all right as makeshift thinking places go.

I face-palmed and grimaced. How was I supposed to react?

I liked a boy, whose sister happens to like me. Sure, maybe I should go for the _hot _girl but—

Ugh!

To top it all off, Ren isn't even gay.

And to top the top of it all, I didn't even know _I_ was gay.

Double ugh!

I wager Chocolove wouldn't even have this kind of problem. He's much too—aesthetically less pleasing than I am… and much too—straighter than I thought I was, too.

Yoh, on another hand, wouldn't have any problems with girls. One girl would make sure he'd have all his girl problems with her alone.

Now, Lyserg. There's the guy who'd have girl problems—and guy problems. He's much too pretty for his own good. But I couldn't write him all the way to Europe and say, "_Dear Lyserg, I'm in love with a guy but someone else has a crush on me, too. What should I do? Love, Horohoro." _He'd sic his pendulum on me and pierce me to death.

I scowled as my thoughts were interrupted with more incessant screaming.

I looked back at the people who were yelling their lungs hoarse, brushed my flying hair away from my face, and glared at them.

Not that that did any good, I tell you. People riding roller coasters, after all, have no care about other people.

Inconsiderate thrill-seeking freaks.

Me, you wouldn't see riding that topsy-turvy, twirling monstrosity of a ri—

Oh, god.

I turned green, I think.

* * *

I was still busily retching my very innards when Yoh said from behind me, "What are you doing?" 

I would have answered except that my guts were demanding more attention. I finished that first before I slumped on a nearby bench, practically white.

Yoh was staring at me curiously. "You fine?"

"Do I look fine?" I snapped at him.

"Ah, so there is something wrong…"

How astute of Yoh. 'A plus' on his paper, I think.

Yoh sat down beside me. "What's up?"

"My innards is what's up," I said. "Why're you alone?"

"Why're _you _alone?" he returned. "Shouldn't you be making your move on Ren?"

"And what?" I asked him pointedly. "And help him dig my grave? No, thank you."

"Ren couldn't all be that bad," said Yoh in his I-am-very-reasonable tone. "He might even be amused by all this."

How dense was Yoh exactly?

An amused Ren would mean a humiliating encounter. At least, if Ren'd take me liking him against my fair being, I'd be too dead to know.

"Yoh, why do you even bother giving me advice?" I asked him.

"I've never given anyone advice before."

Well, duh.

"Well, don't practice on me," I snapped. "I rather like me alive, thank you very much."

"Well, you're snippy," said Yoh, grinning at me. "Tell you what, I'll ask Ana—"

I stood up and glared at Yoh. "Don't you dare."

"Why not?"

"You won't exactly see Ana going down town with a 'Support Gay Rights' banner, would you?" I asked him and slouched at the bench, leaning my head back against the rest.

Yoh paused for a moment to consider this. "No, I don't think so." His faced dropped several more moments later. "I guess I can't help you after all," he told me with all the forlornness he must've saved all his life.

I rolled my eyes. "Alright." _I was such a wuss. _" Have you ever done anything remotely romantic for Ana?"

Yoh's face brightened again. "Yeah," he said, so excited I'm surprised he hadn't wet himself.

He stood up in front of me, braced his hands on either sides of my shoulders, leaned forward and said, "So, I was doing this, right?"

I nodded, completely bemused.

"And I did this." He leaned forward even more until his face was beside mine.

Our position made me uncomfortable. He was practically draped all over me. I gulped. "Yeah? And then what?"

He turned his head and whispered in my ear, "And I said, 'Do you want to go out?' "

His breath tickled me and so did a few strands of his hair against my face. I stalled the impulse to laugh. Biting my inner cheeks, I said, "And what did she say?"

I felt Yoh's shoulders shaking as he said in a pitiful voice, "She told me to start cooking, Horohoro."

My shoulders shook as well as I controlled the urge to laugh out loud. "Really? After your efforts?"

"Yes—"

"Mooooommmmy! I don't wanna go!" a passing kid wailed as his mother dragged him.

"No, we have to go."

"Moooommmmmyyyy! Those two boys are on top of each other on the bench!"

I reddened and Yoh chuckled. "I guess he means us."

"Get off me, Yoh."

"Moooommmmyyy! Those two boys are kissing!"

I saw the mother clamp her hands over his son's eyes, and said, "Let's go home," after sending us a sharp look.

"The humiliation," I said groaning, and trying to squirm under Yoh as more and more people started staring at us.

"You, two, have no shame."

That voice. Again. _Smite me, trigger-happy god, that I might find eternal peace._

Maybe Ren Tao was part mushroom. Heck, maybe I was part idiot.

"Hi, Ren," I called from under Yoh, who refused to budge. "Nice day. Nice to see you _again_. Fancy meeting you here _again_. Is your sister around, by any chance?"

"Hi, Ren," Yoh said, looking at Ren.

"Hi, yourself," he said and walked forward. He sat down beside Yoh and me. "What are you doing?"

I blushed. "Get off me, Yoh."

Yoh pouted, grinned and whispered against my ear, "Want me to start on Ren?"

I growled at him, and he sat down on my other side.

"So, what were you doing? Does Ana know by the way?" Ren asked again quite amiably, if you ask me.

"Horohoro was asking for my expertise in dating."

Ren turned to look at me. "You're dating?"

"No!" I shook my head vehemently. "What made you think so?"

Ah. Brilliant. What a wonderful question.

He's sure to think you're a quarter genius and three quarters retard now.

"Do you like my sister?" he asked me, his Chinese eyes as sharp as—something sharp…

Gods. I can't think when he's looking at me like that.

"L-l-like your sister?" I stammered. "What do you mean?"

"You like Jun Tao?" Yoh asked. "Really? I thought you liked—"

I slapped my palm against Yoh's mouth in panic. He could be so tactless sometimes.

Ren was looking at us like he wanted to pry the secret out of our mouths. We are _so_ dead. I dropped my hand.

"Who does Horohoro like?"

"What," Yoh corrected. "_What_ does Horohoro like."

We turned confused gazes to Yoh.

"What, then?" Ren.

"He likes nice. Pretty. Cute. He's into cool and sweet. He likes ice cream. He likes…"

"To have an affair with Kuroro?" Ren asked, one brow raised. "Tsk, tsk, Horohoro. You're certainly perverted. At least, _like_ someone of the same species."

"Thanks so much, Yoh," I told him with a glare. "At least I'd be having an affair with a female. I bet _you_ like boys," I retorted, and stuck my tongue out at him. _Yeah, I wish._

That silenced Ren. But it didn't stop him from giving me the evil eye, though.

Horohoro, gazillion points. Ren Tao, nil. I wanted to laugh out loud and gloat. The only thing stopping me was Ren.

Yoh coughed and I turned to look at him. He was sending me a look that said eloquently, _"You like boys, too, remember?"_

"Oh, sod off," I said out loud.

Yoh smirked at me.

"Oi, you three."

It was Chocolove.

To be more specific, it was Chocolove with my sister, Ana and Ryu, and Jun Tao.

And to be very, very particular, it was Chocolove with my sister, Ana, Ryu and Jun Tao and a _digital camera_.

Jun Tao looked amused while there was mild curiosity on my sister's face.

I groaned and shut my eyes. _What have I done to deserve this? _

"I caught your Kodak moment," Chocolove grinned.

I refuse to dignify that remark, indeed I do.

"Hey, Ana," Yoh said. "What do you think?"

"That was very infantile, Yoh," she said. "Why don't you just tell Ren?"

_Tell Ren what?_

I opened my eyes and stared at Ana. _She knew. _

"Tell me what?" Ren asked.

"Nothing!"

"Horohoro likes you, Ren," Ana told him deadpan, like she says that to everyone.

I saw Ren's eyes widen before I walked away, dragging Yoh and Chocolove with me, trying my damnedest to salvage what's left of my pride.

**A/N: Finished the second chapter finally. :) I don't know why I even bother with this. The characters are _definitely_ OOC here.**


	3. permit

**CHAPTER 3: Permit**

_**schye**_

"_Horohoro likes you, Ren,"_ Anna had said to Ren.

Those words had broken through my defenses and shattered my pride.

"I do not," I vehemently disagreed, complete with the shaking of my head.

"You do, too," my sister countered. I felt a stab go through my chest at that moment—my own kin was turning her back on me.

They've broken my pride and offended my very spirit.

I felt very low, indeed.

On a brighter note, though, Ren only looked like he was just told that I, Horohoro, could eat a live chicken. (Which in actuality wasn't all that bright a note but more of a less darker note—ugh!).

"Although it is hard to say that you like a person—very hard to admit to liking someone of the same gender," Chocolove put in, "it is always harder to say 'iskibiratsiboopisiribabapbloopikiritbitkiribit'."

I stared at Chocolove. I refused to look at the others, but I felt them also staring at Chocolove.

"That was a joke, people," Chocolove said in an exasperated voice. "You people need to have higher IQ transplants."

"_We_ don't have low IQ's," Ren (finally!) snarled. "_You_ need a _brain _transplant."

Chocolove blew his cheeks out and set his arms akimbo. "Then Horohoro needs a sex transplant!"

That was the final blow. I felt my pride shatter into a thousand million pieces.

I looked at him sharply, drew a deep breath and made a graceful exit.

I just hoped that they hadn't noticed that I was practically clutching my tattered ego against my equally battle-wrought chest.

"I think you hurt his feelings," I heard my sister say as I walked away farther.

_You think? _

* * *

Walking away, I came to the astounding realization that my friends hated me with such vengeance that my predecessors will be cursed for all eternity. 

How have I come to this much astounding realization, you ask.

**Sign #1: They have humiliated me even more when I thought that I've already reached the point that I could no longer be humiliated.**

"Horohoro! Damn it. I swear I didn't tell Anna you're gay!"

_Yoh, you idiot, I do not need the broadcast. _

Yes, Yoh has followed me.

Yes, I could tell Chocolove was with him.

Yes, I was running away from them as fast as my legs could carry me.

Yes, they were running after me.

Yes, everyone heard I was gay.

I had to save face, you see.

"I'm not gay," I called. "I'm bi actually!"

Sure, that probably didn't help my reputation. But what the heck! These people won't see me again.

**Sign #2: They do not share in my grief.**

"Horohoro!" Snort.

_Chocolove, god dammit! Forgo the snort!_

"We feel for you!" Snort. Pause. Snort

And people ask why I'd love to hate him.

"Your pain is my pain!" Muffled guffaw.

_Hell fire and damnation!_

**Sign #3: They do not have respect for my privacy.**

Escape is the best form of… well, escape.

I figured a secluded sot in the park would give me quiet.

Some trees, lots of grass, lots of shade—that sort of place.

I found that particular place.

Too bad Yoh and Chocolove were right on my trail.

"Wow. This place looks like a forest," I heard Yoh say.

"Talk about phallic symbols," said Chocolove.

I stopped in front of a tree and heaved a deep breath.

Maybe these trees wouldn't tell on me if I murdered these two.

**Sign #4: Sign number four refuses to surface in my mind.**

I could've sworn I've thought of a fourth sign.

I sighed. All this pressure's wearing out my genius.

Of course, I realize that I've to face them (despite the fact that my brain refuses to function well). I took some fresh air in to my lungs, calmed my nerves and turned to look at the two of them.

**Sign #5: They bring along the one person I wish never to see ever again. **

I shut my eyes tightly when I realized that Ren Tao was standing in front of me.

To my utter mortification, Ren Tao did not vanish when I opened them again.

I pursed my lips together. "Hey."

"Hey."

I panicked. _Hey? _As in, "Hey, where do you want to be buried?" hey? I turned my horrified eyes towards Yoh and Chocolove, who grinned at me and shrugged.

Maybe Ren wouldn't mind if I requested that he kill them too.

"So," said Ren.

_So? _As in, 'So, you want it to be quick or do I add in some form of torture?'?

I gulped.

"You like me, huh?"

Was it just my imagination or was Ren Tao's voice considerably kind?

"Er…" I shifted my eyes around. Dare I be honest?

Ren Tao glared at me.

I gathered all my dignity and said, "Yeah, right." I smirked. "Do I look gay to you?"

And add a supercilious lifting of a brow and what do you get?

Diced Horohoro—if Ren's expression was to be taken into account.

I swear I could never understand what goes on in Ren's head. You tell him, you like him, he frowns; you say you're not gay, and he still frowns.

I shook my head, wishing Ren'd quit looking at me like he'd happily murder me in cold blood.

"Ren, you've grown to be a quite an overconfident bastard, haven't you?"

Ren let out a smirk that rivaled my own. "No, not confident. I just figured that if you were gay—"

"_If _being the operative word," I interjected.

"And here I could've sworn it was _gay_," muttered Chocolove to Yoh.

I glared at him. _Oh why did I leave my board?_

"As I was saying," Ren said, sending Chocolove a warning look, "if you were gay—"

"Then he won't ever have a girlfriend?" Yoh suggested.

Ren spoke quietly, then, "If you two don't leave us alone, I won't be responsible for whatever will happen to you two."

Yoh and Chocolove gulped.

"Right," said Yoh. "Er, let's go find Anna and the others," he said.

"Let's."

Watching the two of them leave, I didn't know whether to feel relieved (that it was just the two of us, Ren and I, alone) or threatened (because it was just the two of us, Ren and I, alone!).

"Those idiots," I heard Ren say as I watched with dawning mortification Yoh and Chocolove's leave.

I was alone with Ren Tao who was asking if I were gay. I felt my courage abandoning him for the roller coaster ride.

I stared at Ren. "You know, maybe I should leave too, seeing as I'm an idiot myself, and I dare not offend your presence and all that…" I babbled.

Ren looked at me pointedly.

_God, I'm an idiot. _

I turned around. I was prepared to make another exit. I was prepared to be categorized as an idiot. Heck, I was prepared to barter my soul to Faust if only he'd make me disappear in front of Ren right at this moment.

"Horohoro."

I winced. I didn't like that tone. It was too—normal, kind, nice. Not Ren.

"Yeah?" I dreaded facing him, so I didn't. Confronting my fears was the least of my worries right at that moment.

"Are you really gay?"

"No." Technically, I wasn't. I just liked Ren. I could appreciate girls. I like them cute, and pretty. I do. It's just that I'd prefer Ren over them any day.

I was not gay.

"Really?"

"Really." _I hope. _

"Oh."

Was that disappointment I hear? I could no longer stand the degradation.

I turned around, so I could see his face. "Why're you so disappointed about? Were you hoping to mock me until my dying day if I had been gay? Oh, that's just typical of you! You could just go and mock everyone.

"You mock Chocolove because of his nose. You mock Chocolove because of his jokes. You mock Chocolove because he is Chocolove.

"You'd probably mock Yoh because he eats the meat on his ramen last. You'd probably mock Ryuu because he's not too physically aesthetic. You'd probably mock Tamao because her hair is pink! Pink! Of all colors! PINK! You have no care about how others—"

"I won't mock you if you really do like me, you know."

"—feel! You are a largely uncouth—Eh? What did you say?"

_What did he say?_

Ren's eyes didn't meet mine when he replied, "You heard me."

"No, I didn't. I refuse to believe that I heard what I heard."

_Great. I'm even in denial mode. _

Ren looked at me sharply. "Refuse then, for all I care! It's not like I like— oh, shoot it." Ren shook his head. "Forget I even asked."

Then, it was Ren's turn to walk away.

I took a deep breath. I may have been out of my wits because I called him. I did. When he looked at me, his face was so straight that I thought it was—er, very, very straight. (See! I was out of my wits!)

"What?" he growled.

"Am I reading this correctly?" I asked tentatively.

"Reading what?" he snapped at me. "You're in denial. I'm in denial. We both are in denial."

"And yet, denial is not a river in Egypt," came Chocolove's voice from around us.

"You just had to say that, geez." Oh, great. Yoh, too.

"I think that was rather funny," a voice, undeniably my sister's, said, giggling. _My_ sister. My _sister._

I sighed; there was no hope for privacy after all. "You guys better come out now," I called out. "It's not like you're quiet as mice anyway."

Then there was Anna, there was Tamao, and there were Manta and Ryuu (who didn't even bother to meet us a while ago!), and (surprise!) Yoh, Chocolove, who looked like he was hyperventilating, Ren's sister, and my sister, who waved at me, and said, "Good luck."

My life sucked.

"What are you doing back here?" Ren directed the question to both Yoh and Chocolove. "I thought you went away already."

"See, we did," started Yoh. "But we met them halfway through and they wanted to know what was happening so we led them back here," he ended.

Ren stared at them.

"We're awfully sorry?" Yoh offered.

"You might as well get it out," Anna told Ren and I. "If you like each other, then you like each other. If you don't, then get over it."

I stared at Anna, dumbstruck. Apparently, she is the type to raise the 'Respect Gay Rights' banner.

I heard Ren sigh, and as I turned to face him again, he said, "Alright. I like you. There."

I stared at him. _Was he serious?_

* * *

**_A/N: _I apparently can't just make this in three chapters. I couldn't make me a proper ending, and my friends wanted me to post already. :'( They did give me probable (?) endings though. I either write "The end" at the end of the page, I write "... and rocks pelted them from above, and they all died", or "...and Horohoro and Ren found themselves a nice, private place and ... #!" Bother them. **


	4. permit ii

**CHAPTER 4: Permit II**

I heard Ren sigh, and as I turned to face him again, he said, "Alright. I like you. There."

I stared at him. _Was he serious?_

All sane (read: rational and logical) thoughts flew away from me as Ren Tao glared at me like _I _told him that _he _was gay and that he was pushing himself onto me.

"You're serious?" I asked inanely. So inane, in fact, I would have congratulated myself if everyone wasn't staring at me like I was some circus act. (Which I probably was).

"No, Horohoro," said Anna. "He's just kidding around."

Something about her expression told me she was being sarcastic.

"You are being such an idiot, Horohoro," said Yoh.

"I take personal affront at being called an idiot," I told Yoh with a huff. _Like he had any right to call me an idiot. That idiot!_

I saw that Chocolove had something to say to that but was stopped with Ren's, "No matter who's an idiot, I don't care. You people have no respect for privacy."

Something about the way he said that gave the creeps. (Probably because I was guilty of having peeked into my sister's diary, which she found out and raised hell about; of having barged into Yoh's house when I couldn't find anywhere to hide when the bookshop keeper found out I was reading his manga in the store; of having rummaged through Yoh's drawers when I ran out of underwear; of...).

_God, I'm an unscrupulous person. _

"Leave, you idiots," said Ren more forcefully when no one moved despite his movement-invoking words. (Hasn't Ren said this before? Only with less people?)

Something about his expression told me that I should leave too. (Haven't I thought this just a while back?)

In fact, something about everything told me something that I shouldn't even contemplate on because I'm a blabbering idiot incapable of coherent thoughts.

But still.

As soon as the grumbling group began their exit, I said to Ren, "Maybe I should leave, too, seeing as I've been called an idiot as well by so many people although I personally disagree because I rather think I'm on genius level and those people could just not comprehend my level and all that and..."

Run-on sentences do not make Ren Tao happy. (Oh, and déjà vu!)

"Right. I'll stay then."

"You know, Horohoro," said Ren. "You don't have to force yourself to like me just because you're being pressured by them."

And yet—again—something told me he was just saying that.

"Er—" I said.

I. Am. Brilliant.

I think I might've lost my momentum at this point. There was no more stopping my brain from malfunctioning. Everything that Ren and I have said before our friends left have been completely erased.

"And it's not like I'm telling you I'm gay or anything," said Ren defensively though I haven't uttered a word yet.

"I'm not gay," he repeated.

I stared. There wasn't much left to do while my thoughts were bumping against each other in a frenzied attempt to put themselves in some semblance of order. I could practically map out the crisscrossing path that each (brilliant!) thought has made to find its proper niche in my mind.

(And what the--? _Niche?_)

Ren Tao was glaring at me now. "You idiot."

I would have glared back or came up with a witty remark about him _not_ being gay but being one just the same except I was utterly lost for words. And Ren looked like he was trying his best to start a conversation which I just could not seem to pick up on.

"I'm not either," I heard myself say.

Ren's mouth parted slightly as he stared at me. He, too, seemed at a lost for words.

"Right," he said. He heaved a deep breath and told me, "So that's good. None of us is gay."

"Right," I agreed. _Except I like you. _

"Right," Ren said once more. "So let's forget this conversation ever happened." Ren turned his back and started to walk away.

Had the situation been something from the mind of a slightly manic shounen-ai fangirl (Yes, I do know all about shounen-ai.), I would have been shouting, _"Don't leave. I really like you. In fact, I'm willing to be gay for you. Let us get married and live happily together!"_ or something like that.

As it was, the situation wasn't.

So I shouted, 'Oi, you. You just don't walk away like that after you've confessed to the person you like!" instead.

Ren stopped in his tracks.

I gulped. _Go on. Say your piece. Tell it to him. _

"So I guess… that's how Chinese chickens are, huh?"

My eyes grew round.

_WHAT DID I JUST SAY? GOD DAMN IT!_

I stared in horror as Ren Tao slowly pivoted and started walking towards me, looking like he'd trade in his soul to the very devil so he could take mine and rip it apart.

Once Ren was right in front of me, I scrunched my face in what I hope was a repentant look and formed a 'V' with my index and middle finger. "Um, sorry?"

"Did you just call me chicken?" Ren Tao growled to my face.

I would have lied and tried to save my ass except I didn't—I said "yes". And I watched Ren's face turn red.

I blame the proximity of his face with mine. Truly, I do.

And without thinking I grabbed the back of his neck and pushed it against me, making our lips meet for the shortest period before Ren pushed me back.

I stumbled to the ground, dazed and amazed at my boldness.

Ren wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stared at me like I was another asylum escapee.

(I get that look a lot these days.)

"What did you just do?" Ren asked, his hand still against his mouth, a slight blush on his face.

"Er, I think I may have had just kissed you," I replied offhandedly.

Ren looked—well, I couldn't really tell how Ren looked at that point. His expression was some sort of amalgamated version of daze, surprise, shock, and disgust added in with quite a bit of a frown.

_Maybe Ren was really just saying that he was gay and in fact wasn't._

"Er, so about being gay—"

"I'm not!" he snapped at me.

I glared at him, getting up from the ground. "As I was saying, we shouldn't give in to our gay instincts."

"I'm not!" said Ren again.

"We should remain as normal and happy heterosexuals," I continued. "I rather think your sister's quite pretty."

Ren advanced forward at this. "What did you just say?" he growled.

I backed off a bit (AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OF REN!). "Jun Tao, your sister. I think she likes me?" I said.

Ren snorted. "Yeah?"

I stepped forward. "You're laughing at me, aren't you?" I demanded of him. "I'm rather the girl magnet, if I may say so myself."

Ren smirked at me. "What world have you been living in, Horohoro?"s

Damn but he's just adorable when he smirks like that. I stepped up even closer to Ren, my mind full of evil intentions. Ren stood still.

"Ren," I said.

"What?" he growled as he stepped back.

"Come to think of it," I said, letting my sentence hang to add some drama, "I… might… _might… _actually like you." I stepped forward once more.

Ren moved away. "Yeah?" he asked as he looked back to check if he had completely backed himself against a tree.

He did. (Victory for me! Seme-mode on!)

"So, what do you say to that?"

Ren looked so uncomfortable that when he asked, "Is this a trick question?" I wound up clutching my stomach in a fit of laughter at the out of character-ness he displayed.

I understood then how much I should admire Yoh.

"I knew it," said Ren, glaring at me from under his brows. "Fine. Make fun of me. But remember Horohoro—"

"Oh, for godssakes!"

We turned around at the same time (well, not exactly the same time, since I was still too busy trying to stop my shoulders from shaking) to find Jun Tao—and practically everyone else we knew who came to the amusement park—standing from behind a bush and brushing leaves and twigs off of their persons.

"Why don't you two just stop going 'round in circles?!" she asked exasperatedly.

I stared. "You like me, remember? You shouldn't be pushing me to Ren."

Jun Tao gave me a look that she should've given me before I opened my mouth to prevent me from being humiliated beyond my life. "Huh?" she said as well to further knock my pride down the ditch of utter mortification.

I smacked my hand against my forehead—said, "Ouch" in a most dignified manner when it hit hard—and muttered, "My life is ruined."

"'s what I've been telling them," said Chocolove. "Since you like Ren and all—"

I saw Yoh glaring at Chocolove.

"—but they said, '_ruined schmuined_' and that you're better off with Ren since he likes you a lot and—"

Now Anna was glaring at Chocolove, too.

"—that it's very obvious and you'll be happy together because it's sooo sooo sooo very obvious that—"

Jun Tao raised an eyebrow at Chocolove, daring him to continue. Chocolove (obliviously) took it on.

"—you are both so very, very… gay."

That was the final straw.

I grabbed Chocolove by the neckline of his shirt, and pushed him down. I tried to punch him in the face (on the nose, more particularly for it proved to be quite the target) but he evaded my strikes and was trying to wriggle himself free from under me.

"Help!" he gasped. "Help me."

"You brought that upon yourself you know," said my sister. "But, you know, I think my brother is doing the wrong person."

I stopped. I did not just hear that.

"Ren is looking really furious right now," she continued. "You know what I think?"

I didn't and I don't want to know. But the others apparently did.

"I think we should get away from here so they could decide who's uke and seme and get on with whatever they want to do."

_I swear I didn't hear that. _

Chocolove stopped wriggling from other me when I paused to not listen to my sister. I grabbed the chance to grab his nose with all five of my fingers and pulled and pinched as hard as I could.

"Ow--ow--ouch!" he cried. "Leggo--!"

Feeling satisfied, I let go and said to my sister, "Oi, you what have you been reading?" I need to set her straight in the right and true path, I did. It is the job of the older brother to.

And plus, asking that way made me sound all cool and smart.

"What have you _not _been reading?" she replied.

That stumped me.

But Ren (my wonderful, wonderful Ren) seemed to be on top of his game, he scowled at them and said, "When I told you clowns to get away from here, I meant it. When I tell you now to get away from here, I mean it as well. Now understand that if you don't bad consequences shall follow your wake. **_(Insert evil grin here.)_ **No, scratch that. Bad consequences will follow you even in your wake."

_(At this point I feel the need to explain: Ren Tao was equally as bad as Chocolove in making jokes. You know wake as in consequence of, and wake as in a memorial to the dead? Bad pun.)_

"Now, Ren," started Jun Tao only to have Ren cut her off.

"Don't 'Now, Ren' me!" he snapped at her. "Whether or not this idiot likes me is our problem. Whether or not he accepts me is our problem. Whether we progress anywhere else is our problem!"

Ren was snapping at everyone.

Which was so unlike him.

So I thought, _So, he likes me? He really likes me-likes me?_

"Ren," I said.

"And you! How dense are you to—"

"I really like you."

His eyes grew round and he stuttered. "Well, I've heard that before—"

"No, really." I stepped forward, held on to his shoulders and leaned my forehead against his. "I do."

And that was that.

We didn't even notice Jun and her crew of gossips leave.

Later on, when I asked Ren, "So who's seme?", Ren just snorted, smirked, and leaned over to drop a kiss on my lips all in that order but didn't reply.

I took it as, "I don't know the answer" or "Let's not think of it."

(Damn it. But it's more like, "You know already and it isn't you. So why bother ask?" isn't it? Damn that Ren!)

Damn him.

* * *

**A/N: Ha! Done :3 This took me ages to write. T.T I still had no idea how to end the story but I knew I had to already. So if anyone who'd read the story finds this too _blah_, do tell. Maybe I could do something else for the ending. :) **


End file.
